NMR Miscellaneous

    This is a collection of various jokes, stories, quotes, and other near-nmr garbage. No matter how neutral the topic is, it may offend someone. Hopefully it will not offend you. There is nothing personal in the collection concerning anyone in the world! Take it easy...

    The web is a really good excuse to waste time unless you are doing research, distributing religious propaganda, or running after the sex oriented things. Therefore, do not forget to setup your time-manager.


NMR Technique

1) Why think? Why not try gradients?

2) "Errors using INADEQUATE data are much less than those using no data at all." Charles Babbage


Q: How can I visualize something that occurs in 28-dimensional shimming space?
A: Easy, first visualize processes in 27-dimensional space then add one dimension.

NMR Software, Computers and OS

1) The last point in NMR Processing Project: We must not forget the user interface.

2) Integration rule: Assume that a peak is a sphere in order to make math simpler.

3) Ancient Integration Philosophy: God does not take care about mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically.

4) Could you translate English into Binary?

5) Advice: Do not leave comments about sysadmin's mother in your home directory.

6) As the GUI gets better, everything else gets worse.

7) Bug axiom: Any program contains at least one bug.

8) Addendum to Bug axiom: There's always one more bug.

9) A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.

10) Interactive Programming. General.
   Rule #1: Never trust the user.
   Rule #2: User input is not to be trusted at all !
   Rule #3: Never trust a client or even a fellow server program.
   Rule #4: Never trust the system.
   Rule #5: Make sure your program does what you want it to.
   Rule #6: Think like a hacker.

NMR Theory

1) "Life is complex. It has real and imaginary components." Tom Potter

2) Product Operator Formalism: ...it would be better for chemistry if there were no mathematicians on the earth.

3) "The only possible conclusion science can draw is: some do, some don't." Ernest R.

Pulse Programs Creating

1) Thomas Edison's first law: "Keep on the lookout for novel ideas that others have used successfully. Your idea has to be original only in its adaptation to the problem you're working on."

2) Results: "Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work." Thomas Edison

3) Rico Cozzio's Selective Experiments rule: "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice there is."

4) The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.


0) Sensitivity x Resolution x Convenience = constant

1) Probehead tuning has only two positions: too large and too small.

2) When all else fails, read the instructions.

3) If it does not work anyhow it should be a hardware fault.

4) The most dangerous thing for the hardware is a serviceman with a scheme.

5) Jumpers Law: The company will ship the wrong manual with your board and you will spend hours finding and setting jumper switches that aren't even on your board.

6) Addendum to the Jumpers Law: No matter what solution you found to fix a problem with your board, it will lead to the creation of at least four other problems.

7) An old hardware is always 10 years older than I have.

8) If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of a technical manual, ignore it. The piece will make perfect sense without it.

9) Induction period constant: A failure will not appear till the spectrometer has passed acceptance testprocedures.

10) Law of Conversions: The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.


1) The first myth of warranty service is that it exists.

2) Hill's service rule: Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.

3) The first law of Engineering Mathematics: All infinite service converge, and moreover converge to the first term.

4) Support by Phone: Whenever a caller has problems using the hardware, the user will insist the problem is on the company's side and the company will insist the problem is on the caller's side.

5) Support organizations can always prove success by showing service to someone ... not necessarily you.

6) Old Engineer's Law: The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it.

7) Definition: "An expert is a man who made all the mistakes, which can be made, in a very narrow field." Niels Bohr

8) Advice: Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.

9) It's always a partner's fault.

10) Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.


1) MRI is to science what rats are to MRI.

In the Application Lab

1) "The way to capture student's attention is with a demonstration where there is a possibility the teacher may die." (source unknown)

2) Q: How many spectroscopists does it take to prepare a sample?
A: None. That's what chemists are for. (very old)

4) OK, you are a PhD, just don't touch anything.

5) There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your students to do it.

6) Fitt's Law of the Lab: Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

7) Dorren's Conclusion: Never replicate a successful experiment.

"Going wrong" MURPHY'S LAWS (classical)

1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Everything takes longer than you think.
3. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
6. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
7. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
8. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
9. Everything goes wrong all at once.
10. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
11. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
12. You never run out of things that can go wrong.
13. If there is an opportunity for something to go wrong, sooner or later it will go wrong.
14. If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
15. When things just can't get any worse, they will.
16. Anything worse going is worse doing.
17. If on an actuarial basis there is a 50-50 chance that something will go wrong, it will actually go wrong nine times out of ten.
18. Things will get worse before they will get better. Who said things would get better?
19. After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
n). All or any of the above combined.

O'Toole's Commentary : Murphy was an optimist.

to be continued, be sure!